Loss is an inevitable part of life, and it can leave us feeling devastated, overwhelmed, and forever changed. I was extremely fortunate, and I didn’t experience any major loss in my life until I reached my mid-30s. But when I did finally face the loss of a loved one, it hit me hard. Within a year, I lost the two people in the world I was closest to, and it changed my outlook on life.
When the grief first hit, I felt lost and alone. I didn’t know how to act or feel. I had spells of feeling completely fine, followed by sudden mood swings and periods of depression and negative contemplation. I still had loved ones around me, but I found it very difficult to accept their love and advice. But left alone with my grief, I eventually began to gain unexpected insights and a deeper understanding of life, love, and loss. Here are 7 lessons I learned through loss.
1. The Power of Resilience
Loss has a remarkable way of teaching us about our inner strength and resilience. It’s during our darkest moments that we realize we can face adversity head-on and emerge stronger and wiser. While it’s not a lesson we’d choose to learn, it’s a testament to the incredible power of the human spirit. In our darkest moments, we can feel pushed beyond our emotions and capabilities, but a time comes when we wake up to a new day feeling a little more positive, a little more at peace, and we then start to realise the depths of our resilience.
2. The Importance of Vulnerability
In the face of loss, we often learn to let our guard down and embrace vulnerability. I never felt comfortable sharing my inner thoughts and feelings when I felt down or lost. When I faced grief, I eventually had to let such feelings out and share them with others. Opening up to others, sharing our grief, and allowing ourselves to be supported are essential steps in the healing process. Surprisingly, it’s in these moments of vulnerability that we begin to find humour and solace as we connect with others on a deeper, more authentic level. Accepting and exposing my vulnerability was an important step in understanding and healing.
3. The Gift of Time
Loss has a way of bringing time into sharp focus, reminding us that it’s a precious and finite resource. As we mourn the absence of a loved one, we become acutely aware of the importance of cherishing every moment with those still in our lives. It’s a bittersweet lesson that encourages us to prioritize the things that truly matter and embrace a life of gratitude. After facing my grief, I soon began to spend a lot more time with family and my closest friends, prioritizing opportunities to be together and sharing more of my life with the people I loved.
4. The Art of Finding Humor in Unexpected Places
Humour has long been recognized for its therapeutic value, particularly during grief. In the midst of loss, it’s common to find ourselves laughing at the most unexpected moments – a cherished memory, a shared inside joke, or even an accidental mishap during a sombre gathering. In the depths of grief finding humour and comedy in moments can leave us feeling guilty or even ashamed. We fear that laughter is disrespectful and a way of distancing ourselves from the lost one and those around us, but it’s quite the opposite. It’s in these moments that we’re reminded of the healing power of laughter and its ability to create deeper connections, celebrate memories, and bring us all closer together.
5. The Transformative Nature of Grief
Grief is a complex, multifaceted emotion that can be incredibly transformative. It can change our perspectives, values, and priorities, often leading to profound personal growth. Though the journey through grief is undeniably painful, it can also serve as a catalyst for positive change and a newfound appreciation for the fragility of life. Through my experience with grief, I came out with a need to see more of the world. I was already an avid traveller, but after recovering from the grief, I wanted to see and experience even more.
6. The Beauty of Connection
While loss meant losing people I had deep and meaningful relationships with, it also brought me much closer to other members of my family. One of the most poignant lessons I learned through loss is the beauty of connection. As we navigate our grief, we often find solace in the support and understanding of those around us. These connections, whether new or longstanding, remind us that we’re not alone in our journey and can provide much-needed comfort in our darkest hours. Sometimes, it’s the shared experience of loss that helps us forge the deepest and most meaningful bonds.
7. The Value of Self-Compassion
When grief hit, I honestly didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to drive. As well as feeling lost and heartbroken, I felt annoyed and frustrated with myself, unable to grieve and process what was happening. A major turning point came when I began showing the same compassion I did to those grieving around me. Loss taught me the importance of being kind to myself. As we grieve, it’s essential to practice self-compassion and recognize that healing is a non-linear process. We must allow ourselves the time and space to process our emotions and remember that it’s okay to feel a wide range of emotions, from sorrow to anger to moments of levity. By permitting ourselves to grieve in our own unique way, we can begin to heal and ultimately find peace.
Loss is an immensely challenging and life-altering experience, but it can also provide us with invaluable lessons and insights. Through heartache and tears, we learn about resilience, vulnerability, gratitude, humour, transformation, connection, and self-compassion. By approaching these lessons with a sensitive and open heart, we can find the strength to heal and even come out of it with a more open and positive outlook on life, connections, and ourselves.
